Knowing when to leave
I celebrated my first child’s first birthday, the next day my Mom died, then we had a family birthday celebration with the Winnie the Pooh cake, then the funeral and then I found out I was pregnant the morning of the funeral. For a month my Mom had been on me to take a pregnancy test–I think she knew that I was pregnant and I know she knew she was going to die.
That was a really tough week in my life.
Then I lost that baby at 16 weeks.
I sought out a Moms group at my church–it was the best thing that I ever did! I met Moms who were older and had the same trials as I had recently had. I stayed in that group growing in a very special sisterhood. Then one by one they started to leave the group. I wondered why but wasn’t sure how to ask.
As each new leadership came and went there was also a huge shift in the intention of the group. What was once a very faith-filled gathering of friends turned into a group divided among food choices, parenting styles and husband bashing.
I left the group. I was devastated. I knew I didn’t want to be there–but the group saved me when I so desperately needed it. Then I realized it wasn’t the group or the church but those particular women that I missed. I missed being around women like that. I missed being around strong women of faith.
Thank you Nancy, Rose, Dorothy, Connie, and Tess. I am forever grateful for you. Your are held in my prayers of thanksgiving.
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Wow, what a week that was. So very sorry for all the loss, but happy to hear you found a wonderful group of moms to share this journey with. That sisterhood can be amazing when you find it. It must have been tough when it changed, but you are so right, knowing when to leave is the most important thing.
I’m working on a new sisterhood now and I’m feeling very blessed. I think sometimes a dry spell in life can give us a reason to rejoice.
I am involved in leading a moms group at my church, and your post makes me really think about what it will take to safeguard the group from becoming a place for division and husband bashing. What a sad ministry that would be! I know that it is not always possible to keep the same people in the group, but that doesn’t mean the vision and mission should change. Thanks for posting, and I hope you will get connected with a group of women again soon!
Thanks for commenting–I think that if a group maintains the focus of being “gentle, loving, kind and respectful” than everything should work out–even if you don’t agree–respectfully disagree . . . at that point in my life I kept in touch with a few friends and that is what I needed. Now my circle has grown but I’m just more comfortable with a smaller circle. Once I figured that out I stopped searching and started enjoying where I was/am.
Wow. I’m so sorry you walked through this.
Yes. I am a former MOPS Coordinator and I can attest that it’s the people not the group. I pray you find that network of Christian women to help you hold up your head when you can’t. Thanks for this great reminder.
I get it now that it is the people and not the group–but I didn’t get it then :-)
This could also be titled “knowing when to get help”. Your story perfectly illustrates both. Thank you for sharing such a difficult story so that we can learn from it!
When it rains it pours! I think everything happened so fast that my brain couldn’t catch up. I lost that baby in November and then was pregnant again in February . . . then with 2 losses and 1 baby I was scared the entire time. I was patient with myself.
What a hard week! I too have had miscarriages, and those were very dark times for me. It forever changes our hearts. But we can’t fully understand Joy without knowing suffering. God is good to be faithful even in the hard times. Thank you for sharing.
I agree with you.