“you’re just a better mom”
“You are just a better Mom.” Oh how I cringe when I hear those words. I hear them a lot and I’m always uncomfortable about it. It is a huge compliment.
When my son asked “mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?” and I answered “I’ve always just wanted to be your mom.”
My entire life I wanted to be a Mom. I had dogs–lots of dogs. I had lots of cats. I’ve had more strays than most people–I garden. I grow things, I nurture things, I overflow with love! Seriously, I would chase stray dogs with cans of dogfood in downtown Dallas. I really spent the first 35 years of my life taking care of lots of things until my special boy came along. Then it all changed for me.
I became the Mom that I wished my Mom would have been. “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” is what Ghandi said and I took it to heart in my mothering. I made sure my baby had homemade food, I sewed a sling for him and carried him whenever he asked, I nursed him on demand, I held him when he cried. I took care of him the way I wished I had been cared for.
Then I lost another baby. The fear (or terror) of losing a baby gave me a different perspective on how precious life is and how I cherished every minute I was pregnant, and how I wanted to be respectful and honor this gift from God. The gift of life–my children and direction for my own life. I thought for sure Joseph would be an only child and I was ok with that. The heartbreak was more than I could handle. Then 3 more babies blessed our lives. I had more than enough to take care of. I loved being a full-time 24 hour on call Mom.
I didn’t want to go to the gym, or run 1/2 marathons any more, and I wanted to just make quilts for my own little ones. To sew little dolls and bears and whatever else they wanted. I couldn’t wait for Halloween to create an awesome costume or spend several days making birthday cakes that would be eaten in a few minutes. I just wanted to be the best Mom for my kids. I run a strict house and we have boundaries–it isn’t a free for all–I have clear expectations of my children and they know what they can expect from me. My goal is not to be a Super Mom but to be truly present in their lives.
God gave me these particular children because I am the best Mom for them. God gives us the kids that are the perfect fit for us.
I read Jamie Martin’s book Steady Days and it gave me permission to be a professional mother. It sounds funny when I say it and almost sort of arrogant but I am passionate about my vocation. I show up to work everyday wanting to make a difference in my kids lives (and the other kids I work with). I want them to grow up and say that my Mom took the best care of me and still kept her ability to be creative and grow.
So now that I’m writing more I have had to create a schedule so that I am available for them when they need me yet still be productive in a way that feeds my soul. I want my kids to know that even if I do pursue my own goals it won’t be at their expense. I want them to know that I will always be there for them. As they get older and the list of chores that they do independently grows that gives me a little more time to work on “me” projects.
So if all of this is what it takes to “be the better mom” than I qualify. I will continue to put my kids first–before the phone or a People magazine (is that even a magazine anymore?, insert popular magazine). I do all this not to “be the better mom” but because that is how I want to do it–it works for me. I worked so hard for these babies that I only want to focus on them. It works for our family. I’m not a perfect mom–I do lose my temper, I often would rather just knit and have a cup of coffee but I figure I had a whole life before I had kids and I’m hoping that I will have a whole life after I have these kids so right now I just want to be–with them, living out my dream of being a Mom.
I’m linking up to the better mom, Lydia, and playdates with God.
Thanks for linking up! I loved this <3.
Visiting from Playdates, and loved your post! You have accepted the challenge of “being better,” and I know that feeling myself. So glad you decided to link up at Playdates — it’s a great community.
I have enjoyed reading Playdates. Blessings to you.
My feelings exactly! My time with them is short…18 years…and I want to make the most of it! :)
Stopping by from Lydia’s blog!
I cheer you on in allowing yourself to focus on motherhood. I appreciate the freedom women have to make choices—as long as it doesn’t take away the choice to be a professional mother. Blessings!
Welcome to Playdates, Renee! I’m so glad you linked up this week. I admire your boldness in proudly proclaiming this wonderful desire to parent well. Your words reflect your heart and it is lovely. These are the investments we will never regret making–the time with our children. Lovely thoughts.
I’m so glad that I linked up as well. Yes, I am bold. I think it hold me back sometimes.
Be Blessed.
Beautiful….I too feel that focus on my child…and don’t think much about other “things” in life…just want my family to be happy and to be home with my little guy. Great piece!
If you would ever like to link up at my Faithfully Parenting Fridays linky party, I’d love to have you!
Blessings!