I was blessed today to go for a walk with a wise friend.  I’m sure she is wise in many ways but today she showed her wisdom by listening.  As we walked and talked I was able to work through the next step of my basement purge.

CLUTTER

I can describe parts of  my basement as filled with physical clutter, which leads to emotional clutter and the finally as I lose my thoughts in the process it becomes mind clutter.  I’ve no doubt lost hours and hours of my life just “thinking” about these items.

For instance:  I have this frying pan.  I have never used it.  I bought it because my Mom had one.  why?  well, my Mom made this Swiss Steak.  I loved it–the meat was cooked perfectly, with gravy, mushrooms, onions and served over mashed potatoes.  I want that moment back.  I wanted ALL of the moments with my Mom to be that wonderful.  They weren’t–so I bought a pan.  (I’m sure that I wasn’t thinking that when I bought the pan 10 years ago.)

I have physical clutter (the pan), I have emotional clutter (my topsy turvy relationship with my mom), and the combination is mind clutter.  How much time has been lost to my “mind clutter”.  And this is just one pan!  I have many more pans, bowls, cake molds, photos, papers, cards . . . I have a basement full of stuff that is causing clutter in every area of my life.

I like to think it is kept tidy–in organized white tubs that are, of course, labeled.  I think somehow I thought if I labeled it–gave it a name–it would become close to me.  It has just complicated the facts that it is still clutter.  Tidy clutter that I didn’t deal with–I just moved it easily because of the convenient way I kept it.  How easy it is for us to deal with things when we put a pretty little bow on our problems.

I am not my past.  My worth is not how much my mom did or did not love me (because I think she loved me the best way that she could–which just happens not to meet my expectations of what I think I needed).  My joy is not in my stuff.

As I write about being fat, loving myself, purging the basement–I see where I have been, can evaluate my choices with a new perspective, I’m beginning to like where I am going.

I feel like I can breathe.  I can be in this moment.  I can “let go” of all my yesterdays and open my arms and my heart to my now.

I think I get it.  I admit I have a long way to go but I know I’m not alone–I want to thank you for your support and encouragement.  A few of you have shared with me your own struggles and that gives me hope.  To give someone hope is an amazing gift!

Be Blessed.  Thank you my friend for walking with me today.  When I walk with my friend I sometimes have a vision of Jesus walking with his friends–I wonder what they talked about?

Today I’m linking up with homemakers, better mom, multitudes on monday, hear it Sunday use it Monday, On in and Around on Mondays, motivating mondays, creating joy.