16/31 days of honesty: inside vs. outside

I’m taking a break from my basement.  I have found it to be not only physically exhausting standing and sorting . . . but sort of emotionally draining.  I want a magic wand to “poof” all the clutter away.  I want it to “poof” make my childhood about pony rides and cotton candy!  I really just want the easy way out of the situation I’m in.

Today we went to Mass with the middle school Frassati Catholic Academy.  The priest, whom I have never heard before, was brilliant.  He spoke about the hypocrisy of “appearing clean on the outside, while inside we need help”.

The moment he said this I thought about my leaf raking on Sunday.   I raked part of the front yard–I didn’t rake the entire yard because we still have a huge tree full of leaves and it was raining–both of those are excuses.  I raked until I thought it looked “good enough” so my neighbors and anyone else who drives by the house would think that we are able to manage the yard.  I want my house to appear a certain way.  If the outside looks nice than the inside must be neat and tidy as well.

I thought about all the people who get up early to put on make up or pick out the perfect shirt and pants–or the cars we drive . . .

We spend so much time thinking about what other people are going to think.   Why?

We spend so much time thinking about what other people are going to think.   Why?

We spend so much time thinking about what other people are going to think.   Why?

I need to be honest with what I do on the outside–my house, my car, my clothes and make sure that I am making choices and managing my time so that my focus can be on living an intentional, joyful, loving life.

A few years ago I gave up wearing jewelry for Lent.  I had a lot of friends roll their eyes and curl their lips, hear me out–I love jewelry–doesn’t need to be expensive or fancy–I just loved wearing it.  I enjoyed coordinating my outfits with the earrings, to match . . . everything.  Then I heard the homily on keeping things simple for Lent . . . I thought that I spend lots of time making interesting jewelry combinations and outfits . . . why not give it all up and only wear my wedding ring.  My intention was to spend that time in extra prayer.

At first it felt strange–then I realized that it felt really good not to have to put all that brain power into something so trivial.  Jewelry was my thing–for some it might be shoes, or watching TV, maybe playing Angry Birds–. . . for the record I do wear jewelry but I wear the same combination for a week or month and it is no longer a focus of mine.

My latest thing is not wearing make up–I haven’t worn make up since June and I’m ok with it–I do wear lipstick.  I’ll wear make up come December when I’m feeling a little pale.  “Letting go” to the make up routine has given me permission to just be me–in my most natural way.

This is totally me–hair up, my bracelet has the words “imagine create become” on it–one of my mantras. I typically always wear a scarf, I do wear lipstick but only when I leave the house and I often write while sitting on the couch.

Martha Beck describes it as accepting your outward truth and your inward truth.   These past 31 days are my baby steps to accepting, respecting, and loving myself, others and life in a new way.

Be Blessed.