I am jealous of HER! I am crazy competitive–maybe competitive is a better word? It does really matter what I call it, label, fancy name–it is all the same. I’m feeling jealous and it is a really ugly emotion and this isn’t how I want to feel.
There is a women who I know but I’m exactly friends with. Not that I couldn’t be friends with but . . . circumstances never exactly presented a good time to develop a friendship. She had 5 kids and I have 4 and they are all the same agesish. We both are sort a crunchy and simple. We are both faith filled women. You would think it would be a perfect match.
So why am I jealous (for lack of a better word)? I have compared my life to her life. I wanted more kids. I have 4 and 2 in heaven . . . I have a full house here and more in the heavenly home. Why would I be jealous of someone who has just one more child? Well, now she is pregnant again!!!! Now she will have MY six? How crazy is this? (Didn’t I just say that I have a full house? This feeling makes no sense in my mind–where is it coming from?)
I’m 20 years older in menopause and I’m spending a few moments each day thinking, hoping, wishing that I had another baby! Now I’m MAD and JEALOUS! (and feeling a little crazy.)
Why am I comparing myself to a twenty-something? Did some almost fiftyish women compare herself to me? Oh my, I hope not (and truthfully I doubt that anyone ever did). Why do women compare?
Alright, time for a little bit of honesty here. I have felt this way for a long time. Not just about this women but before I even knew here. I even mentioned it at Confession and was told that I need to go look at the cross and tell Jesus that I need to seek his approval and not anyone else’s. I did that and I felt like I had a tool for moving forward.
So if I have the tool why am I not using it? Why am I letting myself be consumed by these feelings. Why do I feel this way to a perfectly nice Mom? Why do I let it bother me? Why can’t I just wake up everyday and say,
“Jesus, I hope my soul and I can grow closer today.”
I can’t because I’m not there yet. There is clearly something else that I’m not seeing. I’ve wondered if I see myself in her . . . maybe wish I could turn back the clock? Some friends have advised me not to have any contact (at this point I ONLY have cyber contact) but I don’t think that is the best choice. I have not contacted her and told her how I feel but maybe that might help. But that would take courage.
I did talk to my mentor about this and she said “oh, yeah, when you get this one figured out, let me know!” I am not alone in my feelings, this much I do know.
Any suggestions? Have you felt this way? Crazy Comparing? Seemingly Senseless Competition? I’d love to hear about how you manage it or don’t?
Be Blessed
Today I’m linking up with these wonderful blogs.
Miscellany Monday
Hear it, Use It
Playdates with God
Multitudes on Monday
The Better Mom
On, In, and Around Mondays
Motivating Mondays
Welcome Home
Motivation Monday
Ah. Crazy Comparing. Yes, It’s a problem we all have. My most successful tool of attack is to once again count my blessings. And again remembering that We are each unique. And in all reality, she probably looks at you with some jealousy too!
I do wonder how she does view me? If I asked, I’m not sure how the answer might help and that is one thing that is holding me back. Thanks for coming over.
Renee
It’s a woman thing!! We all compare, but we can’t let it turn into jealousy or envy–it is hard and takes much prayer nd focusing on the positive in your own life!
It is hard. Jealousy is not usually my cross–so this is hard for me. Thanks for stopping by!
Be Blessed.
I have been dealing with a situation with a sister-in-law that has led to a lot of thinking and thinking in my brain. Just spinning the hamster wheel much of the time.
I don’t have peace about it yet, however, I decided that each time I feel myself start to obsess about the situation, I would ask God to give me peace. Sometimes it’s a struggle, and sometimes, I can let go and be peaceful.
Thank you for linking up at Motivation Monday!
Comparison is an ugly bedfellow that blinds me from seeing truth. I’ve been there, like all of us. I think resting in knowing that God created me for specific purpose, that my comparing myself to others distorts that, is what brings peace. I applaud your honest courage to share here. Nice to meet you through Playdates.
For me I have found when I feel this way about someone else it isn’t really jealousy as it is my own lack of self-worth, confidence and not valuing myself based on what God sees that causes those feelings. It can be so hard to not compare ourselves to others, and I haven’t mastered that yet either. Thank you for being so open and honest (and for linking up at Motivating Monday at CEO of Me!)
Such an easy trap to get caught in… I find making a gratitude list helpful during these times. Thanks for linking up with the Thrive @ Home community. We would be delighted if you linked back to one of the host blogs at the bottom of your post. Thanks so much and look forward to having you join us again next week! :)
I’ve been linking and reading all through quiet time–is there something that I’m not doing? other than cleaning the kitchen floor or folding the Mt. Laundry ;-)
Be Blessed–thanks for your idea of a gratitude journal and help.
I understand how you feel, I’ve definitely played this before. Recently though I have realized that I shouldn’t compare my grass with another’s grass because sometimes that person has that one little thing, one little situation, one little problem that I am grateful that I don’t have. I’ve learned through experience by looking from the outside at someone else’s life that they are having their own problems too, something that I didn’t know about.
For example, I used to “date” this fellow back in college and well lets say we had a falling out and I was trying to hold things together and it just didn’t work out. A few years later I meet what now is my husband and we were at his church and I ran into the college fellow again. Comes to find out the college fellow and my husband were close childhood friends. Can we say, this could have spelled a problem.
Fast forward three years later and I’m engaged and this other fellow is engaged to his high school sweetheart (whom he didn’t stop dating while we were “dating”). I felt a little something. I’ll admit that I was jealous. I soon figured out though that I was jealous of this girl for all the wrong reasons because she truly got the short end of the stick.
My husband and I happily married and they married a few months after we did. Still feeling some sorta way about the whole situation, I never really let go of the situation and I quickly found out that I should let go and be totally grateful. Those two divorced within their first six months of marriage. He was already seeing someone else before his divorce papers were final (sounds like a pattern he has going on) and the lovely young lady moved on with her life in another state.
I’m so grateful that God pried that situation out of my grips and made me move on. I know that this situation is totally different from yours but this is just one of my many testimonies of comparing my life with someone else and it definitely shows how I should be happy on my own side of the fence with my own grass.
Sorry for making this so long, thought I would share. Praying that you’ll find peace over this situation. Continue watering your lawn and making sure to keep the pests away (my husband says I’m terrible with analogies. I agree, sorry:)
I understand how you feel, I’ve definitely played this before. Recently though I have realized that I shouldn’t compare my grass with another’s grass because sometimes that person has that one little thing, one little situation, one little problem that I am grateful that I don’t have. I’ve learned through experience by looking from the outside at someone else’s life that they are having their own problems too, something that I didn’t know about.
For example, I used to ”date” this fellow back in college and well lets say we had a falling out and I was trying to hold things together and it just didn’t work out. A few years later I meet what now is my husband and we were at his church and I ran into the college fellow again. Comes to find out the college fellow and my husband were close childhood friends. Can we say, this could have spelled a problem.
Fast forward three years later and I’m engaged and this other fellow is engaged to his high school sweetheart (whom he didn’t stop dating while we were ”dating”). I felt a little something. I’ll admit that I was jealous. I soon figured out though that I was jealous of this girl for all the wrong reasons because she truly got the short end of the stick.
My husband and I happily married and they married a few months after we did. Still feeling some sorta way about the whole situation, I never really let go of the situation and I quickly found out that I should let go and be totally grateful. Those two divorced within their first six months of marriage. He was already seeing someone else before his divorce papers were final (sounds like a pattern he has going on) and the lovely young lady moved on with her life in another state.
I’m so grateful that God pried that situation out of my grips and made me move on. I know that this situation is totally different from yours but this is just one of my many testimonies of comparing my life with someone else and it definitely shows how I should be happy on my own side of the fence with my own grass.
Sorry for making this so long, thought I would share. Praying that you’ll find peace over this situation. Continue watering your lawn and making sure to keep the pests away (my husband says I’m terrible with analogies. I agree, sorry:)
Oh, I so know how you feel. There are several women in my life that bring out these feelings in me as well. About children, about blogging, about housekeeping…. Thank you for linking up at Thrive @ Home!
Ah, I get this. I have a jealousy over someone too and it really…not only is it not good it’s just irrational. This was a great thought-provoking post..
Thank you. Be Blessed.
Yeah!! that is so exciting for me–thanks so much for inviting me to link up–I enjoy reading your words and recipes!
Be Blessed. Renee