31/31 days of honest: the end (and beginning)

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I have watched this video by Ann Voskamp–several times.

This 22 minute video of a new DVD series sums up where I am right now–with my 31 days, with my blog, and with my life.

I want to take my faith to the next level, I want to open my hands fully to the heavens and catch grace, love, peace and feel joy–in every moment of my life.

I won’t lie about my weight.

I will embrace my heartache.

I want memories not perfection.

I will find my sisterhood.

I will try to understand my limits.

I will try not to yell at my kids to get in the car (or at other times).

I want to clear out all the extra stuff that does not add value to my life and that does not assist me in living an intentional life.

I have learned so much about myself in the past 31 days of honesty–I have referred to it as my basement therapy–my intention was to clear out the physical clutter in my basement–what happened is that I let go of old; pain, dreams, heartache, and a huge box of what ifs, could have’s and might’s.

Be Blessed today.

I’m linking up with Good Morning Girls, Walk With Him Wednesday, Whatever Works , Women Living Well, Work in Progress Fellowship Fridays

30/31 days of Honest: the day my dad died

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As I work through the basement more and more, the same question keeps coming up

Why, so much stuff–duplicates, enough pans to bake 30 cakes at once (no lie!), enough fabric to make dozens and dozens of quilts, enough yarn to wrap around the world (ok, I didn’t do the math on that but . . . ), enough to scrapbook every memory since the beginning to time–Why?

I have asked God to show me what I need in my life and I keep hearing–you have everything you need.  I have given you everything.  I am always with you.  be happy, be blessed, feel my love, be still, keep listening . . . I made you amazing and your friends–why can’t you all see that?

Ok, I get it.

One day when I was 7 I came home with my brother and found my dad dead on the kitchen floor.

That changes a kid.

That makes for an adult with things that need to be worked through.

My time is now.

I think one of the many reasons that I keep projects and plan projects is so that as I give things away–I’ll be remembered.  I don’t want to be forgotten.  

(yeah, I’m crying right now)

My dad was replaced by another man within 2 years–I don’t have anything from him–except the cabin that he built.  I go to that place and I look at the walls and think about his hands building the walls that give me shelter, the roof that protects me from the rain–I fish for Pike and panfish–just like he did.  When I am at the cabin I am with my dad.  I tell my kids about Grandpa Joe.

The death of my dad was not handled very well.  I struggled.  I still do.

The death of my dad was the first step up a treachourous uphill battle of disappointment, abuse, more death, and a life spinning out of control.  I can honestly say through it all I didn’t feel God’s presence.   But I wasn’t scared either. (and I should have been afraid–very afraid)

Now that I look back on the crazy and unsafe life I lead–I know God must have been with me–otherwise I wouldn’t be here.  Thank you God, for keeping me alive.  Thank you for planning this life for me–in the darkest moments you were there shining–so that I could see my way out.

I still don’t want to be forgotten–but now I know how I want to be remembered!

The little girl who walked through hell with God, and came out giving thanks for each moment.  That is how I want to be remembered!

linking up today  here, here, here, here and here

29/31 days of Honesty

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I’m almost there!  Only 3 more days until my 31 days of honesty are over.

Sort of bittersweet.  I have poured my heart on these pages.  I have shared my joys and my demons.

If I had to do this all over again I would.  I would also plan ahead and not pick HONESTY as my topic.  I have 11 months to figure out my topic for next year.  Maybe next year it will be fluffy bunnies or . . .

What this writing challenge has given me is an opportunity to figure out what I really do want to write about and the direction of my space here on the web.

A few months ago I would have said that I share my journey on my blog but now I want that thinking to shift to I write, I inspire, I encourage, I create a place for conversation . . . and I am following my passion and quite possibly discovering my purpose–which I know will change, but right now–what I’m doing feels right.

I am reworking my blog.  I am figuring out the balance between writing and the rest of my life–caring for all my people is most important.

Sisterhood, kids, organizing/home management, cooking, projects that worked and not, and how my life is blessed–these are the topics that I want to share and have you join the conversation.  If it is one thing that I have learned this past month is that

I am not alone–I have you along with me on this journey . . . 

Of course, I’ll be giving updates once a month on my weight and how the basement is shaping up too!  Until the basement is complete and I’m at a healthy weight.  I want to live my life in a more intentional and simple way and I can’t do it with all the “stuff” that I have.  I want to be in the moment with my husband and kids, not feeling  a looming of projects, a to-do list or worse a should-have-done list.

Thanks for stopping by–I hope you enjoy the new format as it evolves.

Be Blessed.

The Better Mom, Multitude on Monday, Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday, Playdates with God, Motivation Monday, Mindful Mothering