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“you’re just a better mom”

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“You are just a better Mom.”  Oh how I cringe when I hear those words.  I hear them a lot and I’m always uncomfortable about it.  It is a huge compliment.

When my son asked “mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?” and I answered “I’ve always just wanted to be your mom.”

My entire life I wanted to be a Mom.  I had dogs–lots of dogs.  I had lots of cats.  I’ve had more strays than most people–I garden.  I grow things, I nurture things, I overflow with love!  Seriously, I would chase stray dogs with cans of dogfood in downtown Dallas.  I really spent the first 35 years of my life taking care of lots of things until my special boy came along.   Then it all changed for me.

I became the Mom that I wished my Mom would have been.  “Be the change that you want to see in the world.”  is what Ghandi said and I took it to heart in my mothering.  I made sure my baby had homemade food, I sewed a sling for him and carried him whenever he asked, I nursed him on demand, I held him when he cried.  I took care of him the way I wished I had been cared for.

Then I lost another baby.  The fear (or terror) of losing a baby gave me a different perspective on how precious life is and how I cherished every minute I was pregnant, and how I wanted to be respectful and honor this gift from God.  The gift of life–my children and direction for my own life.  I thought for sure Joseph would be an only child and I was ok with that.  The heartbreak was more than I could handle.  Then 3 more babies blessed our lives.  I had more than enough to take care of.  I loved being a full-time 24 hour on call Mom.

I didn’t want to go to the gym, or run 1/2 marathons any more, and I wanted to just make quilts for my own little ones.  To sew little dolls and bears and whatever else they wanted.  I couldn’t wait for Halloween to create an awesome costume or spend several days making birthday cakes that would be eaten in a few minutes.  I just wanted to be the best Mom for my kids.  I run a strict house and we have boundaries–it isn’t a free for all–I have clear expectations of my children and they know what they can expect from me.  My goal is not to be a Super Mom but to be truly present in their lives.

God gave me these particular children because I am the best Mom for them.  God gives us the kids that are the perfect fit for us.

I read Jamie Martin’s book Steady Days and it gave me permission to be a professional mother.  It sounds funny when I say it and almost sort of arrogant but I am passionate about my vocation.  I show up to work everyday wanting to make a difference in my kids lives (and the other kids I work with).  I want them to grow up and say that my Mom took the best care of me and still kept her ability to be creative and grow.

So now that I’m writing more I have had to create a schedule so that I am available for them when they need me yet still be productive in a way that feeds my soul.    I want my kids to know that even if I do pursue my own goals it won’t be at their expense.  I want them to know that I will always be there for them.  As they get older and the list of chores that they do independently grows that gives me a little more time to work on “me” projects.

So if all of this is what it takes to “be the better mom” than I qualify.  I will continue to put my kids first–before the phone or a People magazine (is that even a magazine anymore?, insert popular magazine).  I do all this not to “be the better mom” but because that is how I want to do it–it works for me.  I worked so hard for these babies that I only want to focus on them.  It works for our family.  I’m not a perfect mom–I do lose my temper, I often would rather just knit and have a cup of coffee but I figure I had a whole life before I had kids and I’m hoping that I will have a whole life after I have these kids so right now I just want to be–with them, living out my dream of being a Mom.

I’m linking up to the better mom, Lydia, and playdates with God.

         

”Smallfriday favorite things | finding joy

Recipe Organization

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I love cooking.  I love food.  I love the smell of cooking.  I love dinner time with all my kidlings sitting around the table and laughing, talking about their day, enjoying the moment of being together.

Before kids I cooked very elaborate meals both at home, in my catering and in the various restaurants that I worked in.  Now my meals are less complex but still delicious and wholesome.  Over the years I have worked with some awesome chefs and I have always kept lots of recipes.  Too many really for one person to ever cook in “real life”.

One day I decided to get rid of the zillion cookbooks that I had and just keep the recipes that I used.  I found a 3 ring binder and began filling the page protectors with my favorites.  Some of these included recipes from my wedding shower (I had asked for a fat quarter of fabric and a recipe) these heirloom recipes are so wonderful to have and I really do treasure them.  I did make a beautiful wedding quilt as well. 

I have continued to add to this three ring binder as I try new recipes that everyone enjoys.  I have also started writing down the recipes that I want my kids to have.  You see when my Mom died she had lots of cookbooks and tons of handwritten recipes.  It is so special to follow a recipe that is in her handwriting–it feels like she is really with me in my kitchen.  My mom also had tons of recipes stuck in books that were held together with rubber bands.  The year after my Mom passed I decided to replicate all of her Christmas cookies–she made dozens of different kinds–no exaggeration, plus fudge and chocolate covered cherries–crazy amounts of baking.  I had success except for her date pinwheels. 

I tried every date pinwheel recipe and none of them tasted like hers.  I don’t even LIKE them but I felt consumed to find that one cookie recipe.  I gave up.  I gave up on chasing a memory of a cookie.  It wasn’t really about the cookie, it was about sharing something with my Mom after she was gone.

What I want for my kids is to have the recipes that I use.  I want them to work with me in the kitchen, not only because it makes it more fun for me but I want them to have something that I don’t have.  I want them to have my muffin recipe. 

I make muffins every two weeks–24 muffins and I freeze 18.  You see every week we have Muffin Monday.  I usually make pumpkin or banana–it needs to be predictable for the kids.  I always have 3 weeks worth of muffins in the freezer.  It lightens my mental load to know that one breakfast every week is taken care of with food the kids love. 

Thank you God for giving me the gift of organization so the my house might run smoother giving me even more time to serve you.  Thank you for giving me the gift of cooking and nourishing those closest to me.  With Your grace I hope that I can feed their souls as well as their stomachs.