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Opportunity

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Do you drive a lot?  I do.  I have morning drop off and afternoon pick up.  I have noon pick up 3 times a week.  Soccer practice, speech therapy appointments, occupational therapy appointments, soccer games, track practice, track meets . . .  then the grocery store and Target!

I drive the same route for everything except soccer.  It gets kind of boring. But today it was different.

Each day I drive down a road that t-bones into a busier road–and I need to take a left.  So it is a “quiet corner” and no one in the car can talk.

As I wait to make my left, cars are bombing down the road going straight and many cars are lined up to turn down the road I’m on . . . and I need to wait for my opportunity to go.

Today was different.  As I waited for my opportunity to go . . . it became a metaphor of my life.  Things are rushing past me, turning next to me–sometimes with an indicator and sometimes not (so I can never really trust that the car will turn), cars blocking my left turn, as I wait for them to turn left (they have the right of way) and I sit–quietly–waiting for a safe opportunity to go.

How often do opportunities come in and out of our lives . . . but it is too busy, or we are distracted, or we miss them because we couldn’t pull out fast and safe enough to grab them.

I’ve been working very hard at creating opportunities but now I’m wondering if I should stop trying so hard and just let opportunity knock at my door . . . What do you think?  do you seek opportunity?  do you let it flow to you?  or a combination?

Be Blessed.

Taking the day off!

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Editorial Note:  I started to write this last weekend.  MLK Day came and went . . . we did take the day off and it was awesome.  I didn’t get my cards out yet but I did take some time to slow down and listen to my soul.

Today is MLK Day!  We will be taking the day off–no school, no errands, minimal cooking . . . it will be the Sunday that I didn’t have today.

I like to keep things on the simple side–but commitments creep in . . . all of a sudden I’m busier than someone with a REAL job!  I sit back and wonder how my calendar went from blank to filled in?  How did I let this happen?  Month after month . . .

January is almost gone, I’m just getting the Christmas decorations put away, my holiday cards will go out on Tuesday of this week (the first time in 4 years!), and my goal is to have a system for taking care of the bills that come in–keep, file, pitch . . .

My word for this year is intention.  I’ve written about it here and here.  I’m stopping.  I’m practicing being still (Psalm 46:10).  I want to look at my life with intention–look at my time, look at my relationships, figure out what I want my life to look like.  What do I want to BE.

I feel sort of lost . . . I moved out of my parents house when I was 17, following in the footsteps of my brothers.  I moved from the frying pan into the fire.  The next 10 years were spent in a weird survival mode and at the end I was still feeling lost and my life had little meaning.  Then I met a guy, got married, started having kids . . . still feeling lost–how can I be a good wife and mother?  Still not knowing who I was–I know what I did–living a cause and effect existence.  Now, 20 years later–I’m still scrambling to find my purpose.  My entire life has been in survival mode.  To merely survive is not my intention.  I want to thrive.  I want to feel alive–I want to feel passion!

I have been searching my soul, wondering why?  I think I may have made some progress . . .

I felt like I had nothing so I needed to fill it with something!

I filled my life with alcohol, made horrible choices in whom I spent my time with, found that Burger King will always be my friend, and if I kept stuff . . . a semi trailer of stuff!  that if I kept SOMETHING, than I wouldn’t have nothing.  (I think that breaks a grammar rule.) If I kept toxic people in my life that is better than being alone, when I was skinny people used me so if I’m fat maybe they won’t!

I don’t want to BE THAT person anymore.

How will I move this forward?  I can’t be the only one who has found themselves in a place that they would rather not be in.  I know what I need to do–but I don’t want to–it’s hard, painful and full of unresolved memories, heartache and conflict.  I need to take one disappointment at a time and make peace–forgive.

I must look at everything in my home and ask “does this add value to my life?”  I must look at every relationship and ask–“how does this serve my purpose?”  I must stop and know that I am loved in a healthy way . . . and now it is time for me to love me–in a healthy way.  Powerful questions to ask myself.

Does a Richard Scarry VHS video that is not longer available in any form worth saving?  Do I need all of my fabric?  What does it all mean–this hanging on, to stuff.

I’m not sure what it means but I know what it is doing–all the stuff–the bookshelves lined with books I’ll never read, recipes I’ll never make, patterns I’ll never knit . . . these things have kept me in the past.  In a place I once was or once hoped to be.  I’ve never lived in the now–I have spent my entire life waiting, to grow my hair, to be loved, to get married, to have kids . . . the list never ends.

I’m not sure if it is menopause or I’m just so tired of trying . . . trying to be someone else. Trying to make everyone happy.  Trying to find peace outside of myself–I’m looking out rather than looking in.  Maybe menopause is supposed to make us “pause” and reflect.

As I experience transformation in my life, in the lives of my kids, in the books I read to my kids–I now see it as a omnipresent element in growth–I see it in everything from the Bible to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles . . . we are all destined to become something greater than where we are now.

Have you figured out your passion?  intention?  destiny?

Be Bless as we are gentle with ourselves . . . waiting for grace.

I’m linking up to Motivation Mondays, Mindful Mothering, The Better Mom,  Multitudes on Monday, Mercy Mondays, Titus Tuesdays, heart and home, God Sized Dreams.

 

 

 

broken and blessed

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then Jesus blessed the bread and then broke it . . . I go to Mass a few times a week and I alway cross myself at that moment–do this in remembrance of me . . . I cross myself again.  Some days I wish I could just stop Mass at that moment until I felt like I understood it–I want to understand the mystery!  or at least be able to reflect on that moment.  Jesus how do I eucharisto?

Today is 12/12/12.  The last time in my life that I will ever see a sequence of numbers like this.  I want to celebrate–so I have decided that I will begin living a life of counting my blessings.  I’ve sort of already started–my 11-year-old gave me a jump-start!

I was cooking in the kitchen–working hard to make a phenomenal Sunday dinner–it was a special birthday dinner . . . I was taking extra care in ever detail when I saw the blue soccer  ball fly through the air–I covered my head thinking it would knock over one of the 3  hot pots on the stove or knock over a gravy boat filled too high or smash the yeast rolls . . . then I heard the clang and the crash.

The blue soccer ball hit the ceiling, landed on the top of the fridge and rolled onto ALL of my Christmas cups–the ones I have been collecting for 20 years!  I knew from the sound that there was breakage.

one of my collection

one of my collection (this is the mug–but it really fell into the other mug and then onto the floor . . .)

My son acted as if were no big deal–just one cup broke–“and the cup isn’t even broken just the handle!”  I went from 0 to 60 a couple of times until I was well into warp speed!

It wasn’t about the cup–well, it sort of was–I was mad!

  • it wasn’t the best time to break a cup
  • the cup broke all over the other cups requiring lots of washing (because after such a big dinner the dishwasher would be full)
  • I remembered the day I bought that particular cup
  • his attitude was horrible
  • I have said a million times “no balls in the kitchen”–I do allow dribbling/foot skills in the house–but NOT in the kitchen and no kicking again walls
  • I was trying to get dinner on the table, in the dining room, on the second Sunday of Lent, for a birthday dinner AND I wanted everything to be PERFECT.
the blue soccer ball that normally lives in the dining room

the blue soccer ball that normally lives in the dining room

In the brokenness of the cup I am blessed.  I am blessed that I have a wonderful son.  Who has legs to play soccer.  I remind myself that I prayed for this son.  Who can teach me the meaning of abundance.  I am so incredibly blessed.

In that moment of cleaning the mess of the blue soccer ball and the holly Christmas mug–I found the meaning of my life.

  • I live abundantly–I have everything I need.  I have more cups than I could ever want! (the loaves and fishes story)
  • I give thanks, in everything.
  • I found that anger doesn’t get me where I want to be–I want to seek joy!
  • I serve God by serving my family JOYFULLY.  When I fail at that I fail at serving God–when my intention moves towards perfection it moves from God.  When I do things for God, then it becomes perfect.
  • May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him.  Romans 15:13.
  • I still think balls should stay OUT of the kitchen!

So on this day of 12/12/12 I want to my life to move forward with intention, joyfulness, purpose, and most of all trust that when I give thanks, in everything–God will be at the end of my prayer.  God is my safety net!  I want to practice intentional gratitude–not just on sunny days when my life seems perfect–but on my hardest days.  I know God has been with me on my darkest days.

that dang blue soccer ball!

that dang blue soccer ball–this is where the ball hides so it won’t be kicked, break dishes and then banished to the garage!  (and no I didn’t clean before I took this pictures–this is a real blog, with real pictures of a real house)

I am broken and blessed.  I thank God each day for my blessings.  I have an awesome house vs. my Ford Escort that I lived in–with two dogs and a cat!  I have these incredible children and a wonderful husband who love me–for me.  I look at everything as a gift to be treasured, respected and honored.

My life is a joy!  hard at moments, I lose my temper, I feel emotions other than love, peace and joy, but more and more those negative emotions are fleeting and I find myself seeking joy, grace and giving thanks, in everything.  I chose to be joyful, loving, kind, respectful, and thankful in everything I do.

Be Blessed.  My prayer is that you will feel the love and faithfulness of a God who wants to show you his abundance just for you.  For your own purpose.

I’m linking up with Works for me Wednesday,  Work in Progress Wednesdays, Wisdom Wednesday, upside down homeschooling,