25/31 days of being honest: loss

How do you feel when something is taken from you?

Tragically taken,

a husband,

a mother,

a father

a sister,

a brother,

your child.

My husband I and met later in life.  My husband and I wanted to have a boatload of kids.  That didn’t happen.  We have four beautiful kids and two angel babies.  I’m still not sure I’m ok with that–you see because it wasn’t our choice to stop having babies.

My husband and I met later in life–we joked about the our “time left” to have kids.  I had no idea that my body would stop working.

If it were my choice not to have anymore babies–I would feel more content or at peace.  But when God says that I can’t have anymore babies–even though I know in my head it is part of his wonderful plan for my life . . . I still cry “not fair”.  In all fairness to God I did pray for him to send me a sign–let’s just say the last labor and delivery were EPIC and I would not “order” that again.  The boxes I checked for my 4th kid were supposed to be; quick, easy, pain-free, and the words “just popped out”  part of the birth story.  None of that happened.  That must have been my sign from God.

Let’s be honest–it is hard and makes us mad as a 4-year-old when we have things taken away–“for no apparent reason” as my little guy says!  It is hard to handle loss and make sense of it.

 So after a few years now, I have found that if I embrace what God has put before me, if I concentrate on the life I have at this moment, if I look beyond the loss–I can find great things waiting for me.

Be Blessed as you work through your own struggles or help out a sister who needs it.